Boy, I Sound Like a Bitter Wife
Up to this point, the 30 Day Marriage Challenge was all fun-and-games. Then it got deep. Day 7, 8, and 9 were seemingly simple tasks, but I had trouble letting go of things I didn’t realize were bothering me. Things I thought I reconciled in my mind a long time ago. I stated one of my goals of this challenge was to be raw and unfiltered; not to sugarcoat. My marriage is not perfect, and I’m not going to pretend like it is.
Leave him a sweet note
Today is Valentine’s Day. I mentioned on Day 0 that we stopped exchanging gifts a long time ago. Along with that, we also stopped giving cards, which I’m actually sad about. I love cards – namely the art of thoughtfully written words. I like to read and I obviously like to write (hello, blogging over here!). But years ago I discovered a letter I wrote to my husband that I had given him a year earlier still sealed in his drawer; it broke my heart. I know he didn’t not open it to be rude; he just doesn’t care for sentimental notions. After that I gave up on showing him my love in that format.
So today, instead of wasting my time and setting myself up for disappointment… I opted for something simple. My kids (who still create cards for any occasion) had valentine’s cards ready for their dad. So I asked my son for one of his Blaze and the Monster Machines Valentine’s and wrote one out to my husband.
Today he was working from home, so we slipped it under his home office door giggling the entire time. I don’t even know if he saw it, picked it up, or read it. I just know, he never acknowledged it. And I can’t say I’m surprised.
Put at least one date night on your calendar this month.
Does anyone else not enjoy date night with their significant other?? My husband and I will go out to eat, with or without our kids, for survival. We need to eat. But put that in the context of a date, and I dread it.
Not that I don’t enjoy my husband’s company, but ever since the normalization of smartphones it’s like he can’t hold a conversation. And since his jobs aren’t 9-5, I can’t really ask him to stop checking messages. Besides, I’m not exactly innocent myself. Also, ever since we bought our homes and had children, we really don’t talk about anything else except the good and bad of those two things.
So like an old boring couple, the idea I came up with is having the kids sleepover their grandparents and have us cook a meal together. It’s not a novel one, I know. But, the out-of-the-box ideas I’ve suggested (i.e wine tasting, indoor-rock climbing, etc.) he shot down. Rejection is exhausting.
Imagine how it feels to be in your husband’s shoes
Although I’m not that nice to him all the time, I definitely respect him and cater to his needs before my own. His parents and mother-in-law spoil him. His kids think he’s the the cooler parent. And his friends find him entertaining. I think he feels minimal pressure to fulfill these roles because being a good son, husband, father and friend comes naturally to him. He’s a good guy. However, I think he puts a lot of pressure to support and maintain it financially. Meaning, he feels he needs to take care of his family is a very traditional sense, in the bringing-home-the-bacon way.
I imagine, in my husband’s trendy shoes (he actually has good taste in shoes – one of the things I find attractive in a guy), that he walks proudly of the life he’s created. I also imagine him dragging his feet, tired from long hours. I picture him running, because he’s always in a rush to get to the next thing. And lastly, I see him kicking off his shoes, leaving them by the front door haphazardly knowing that he doesn’t have to put them away himself.
I had to step away from this post a few times because I feel like I’m coming off like a bitter wife. Then I reminded myself that the purpose of doing this Marriage Challenge was to identify and address parts of my relationship with my husband that needs tweaking. Days 7, 8 and9 remind me of something I tell my kids all the time – you can’t control what other people do, but you can control how you react to it.
Want to read all 30 Days of the Marriage Challenge? View the Overview page HERE