MARRIAGE: Day 7-9 of 30 – Boy, I Sound Like a Bitter Wife

Boy, I Sound Like a Bitter Wife

Up to this point, the 30 Day Marriage Challenge was all fun-and-games.  Then it got deep.  Day 7, 8, and 9 were seemingly simple tasks, but I had trouble letting go of things I didn’t realize were bothering me. Things I thought I reconciled in my mind a long time ago.  I stated one of my goals of this challenge was to be raw and unfiltered; not to sugarcoat. My marriage is not perfect, and I’m not going to pretend like it is.

30 Day Challenge Accepted Marriage

Day 7
Leave him a sweet note

Today is Valentine’s Day. I mentioned on Day 0 that we stopped exchanging gifts a long time ago.  Along with that, we also stopped giving cards, which I’m actually sad about.  I love cards – namely the art of thoughtfully written words.  I like to read and I obviously like to write (hello, blogging over here!). But years ago I discovered a letter I wrote to my husband that I had given him a year earlier still sealed in his drawer; it broke my heart. I know he didn’t not open it to be rude; he just doesn’t care for sentimental notions. After that I gave up on showing him my love in that format.

So today, instead of wasting my time and setting myself up for disappointment… I opted for something simple.  My kids (who still create cards for any occasion) had valentine’s cards ready for their dad.  So I asked my son for one of his Blaze and the Monster Machines Valentine’s and wrote one out to my husband.

30 Day Challenge Accepted Marriage

Today he was working from home, so we slipped it under his home office door giggling the entire time.  I don’t even know if he saw it, picked it up, or read it. I just know, he never acknowledged it. And I can’t say I’m surprised.

Day 8
Put at least one date night on your calendar this month.

Does anyone else not enjoy date night with their significant other?? My husband and I will go out to eat, with or without our kids, for survival. We need to eat.  But put that in the context of a date, and I dread it.

Not that I don’t enjoy my husband’s company, but ever since the normalization of smartphones it’s like he can’t hold a conversation. And since his jobs aren’t 9-5, I can’t really ask him to stop checking messages. Besides, I’m not exactly innocent myself.  Also, ever since we bought our homes and had children, we really don’t talk about anything else except the good and bad of those two things.

So like an old boring couple, the idea I came up with is having the kids sleepover their grandparents and have us cook a meal together.  It’s not a novel one, I know.  But, the out-of-the-box ideas I’ve suggested (i.e wine tasting, indoor-rock climbing, etc.) he shot down. Rejection is exhausting.

Day 9
Imagine how it feels to be in your husband’s shoes

Although I’m not that nice to him all the time, I definitely respect him and cater to his needs before my own.  His parents and mother-in-law spoil him.  His kids think he’s the the cooler parent. And his friends find him entertaining. I think he feels minimal pressure to fulfill these roles because being a good son, husband, father and friend comes naturally to him. He’s a good guy. However, I think he puts a lot of pressure to support and maintain it financially.  Meaning, he feels he needs to take care of his family is a very traditional sense, in the bringing-home-the-bacon way.

I imagine, in my husband’s trendy shoes (he actually has good taste in shoes – one of the things I find attractive in a guy), that he walks proudly of the life he’s created.  I also imagine him dragging his feet, tired from long hours. I picture him running, because he’s always in a rush to get to the next thing. And lastly, I see him kicking off his shoes, leaving them by the front door haphazardly knowing that he doesn’t have to put them away himself.

I had to step away from this post a few times because I feel like I’m coming off like a bitter wife.  Then I reminded myself that the purpose of doing this Marriage Challenge was to identify and address parts of my relationship with my husband that needs tweaking. Days 7, 8 and9 remind me of something I tell my kids all the time – you can’t control what other people do, but you can control how you react to it.

 

Want to read all 30 Days of the Marriage Challenge?  View the Overview page HERE

TREADMILL 7-9/30: Hot Housewife

Hot Housewife

Fitting in Day 7, 8 and 9 of the 30 Day Treadmill Challenge will be a breeze. I’m not scheduled to go into the office the next three days  and don’t have many errands to run this week.

I think when my husband and I agreed that I would be a stay-at-home-mom, he pictured me as that hot housewife running around in a sports bra with a full face of make-up, going to the gym after I drop the kids off at school in an SUV, shopping superfluously during my down-time, and have a decadent meal on the table every night.  I was fantasizing the same thing.  The only thing that’s a reality is driving a SUV.
30 Day Challenge Accepted Treadmill

DAY 7
“Walk Flat (3) + Walk Incline (1), x5”

✓ Dropped the kids off at school
✓ Worked on my resume and applied for a job online before
✓ Attacking today’s Challenge. Done!
✓ picked up the younger one from school
✓ we built a train track, followed by lunch
✓ we picked up the older one from school
✓ I put the younger one down for his nap
✓ Practiced piano and did homework with the older one.
✓ younger one is still napping as I type this, while the older one is now having her music lesson.
✓ Next, going to start making dinner.
Besides the workout, this is just another mundane Monday so far.

DAY 8
“Brisk Walk (20)”

✓ After breakfast, the younger one and I dropped the older one off at school,
✓ then off to Costco, ToysRUs, the pediatricians, and Macy’s before soccer class.
✓ After soccer I took my little guy out for a lunch date before we had to pick up big sister from school.
✓ Put him down for a nap, practiced piano,  off to martial arts class, back to homework, and finally a bath while I put dinner tonight.

Did you see what I missed? The treadmill!
It’s easy to let the day get away from you, especially when each day is a little different.

✓ After the kids went down for the night I did today’s 20-minute brisk walk. Done!

DAY 9
“Walk (3) + Run (1), x5”

✓ dropped both kids to school
✓ husband is home from work, so I went back to sleep!
✓ husband picked up the little one from school and took him out
✓ completed today’s Challenge. Done!
✓ lunch
✓ picked the older one up from school
✓ younger one naps at grandparent’s / take older one ballet
✓ attend parent’s back-to-school night
✓ dinner with the grandparents

 

Being a housewife, for me, is taking care of my kids first and myself last. Making a log of what I did these last three days with/for my kids proves to me that I’m not sitting around eating bonbons.  I will never be the hot housewife, nor do I want to be. But I’m slowly learning that I can make the time to fit in exercising, if I make the effort.  And I know my husband loves me, hot or not.

 

Want to read all 30 Days of the Treadmill Challenge?  View the Overview page HERE