MARRIAGE: Day 10-12 of 30 – I’m Struggling

I’m Struggling

I feel so off because once again, tasks that seem menial I’m making difficult by overthinking them.  My marriage doesn’t need “help”, meaning there are no problems I felt needed fixing when I got into into 30 Day Marriage Challenge.  Yet I’m struggling. Mostly in my own head. With my own feelings. I’ve been sick for a week. Maybe the medicines are screwing with my mind.

30 Day Challenge Accepted Marriage

 

Day 10
Today’s focus: kindness

take 1
Not that I wasn’t kind to my husband today, but I didn’t feel like I went out of my way to be extra kind. This is the problem I had with the 30 Day Kindness Challengethe difference between common courtesy vs being out-of-the-box kind.

take 2
I came down with something, again!  My head was pounding and my body was achey.  My husband had to take care of the kids and me, again. I asked him, “How can I help?” as I laid on the couch watching him cook dinner for us.  Although this isn’t an extraordinary act of kindness, I take it back to Day 1-3 of the Kindness Challengedo it from a place of service, honestly and fullness. And from my Kindness Challenge Takeaways, that the most simple things can make the biggest impact.

Day 11
Tell him, “I’m so glad I married you.”

Why was this so hard? I was trying to find the perfect time to slip it into a conversation. I finally gave it up and just blurted it out, completely out of context, before the clock hit midnite.  It totally took away from it’s potential impact, and my husband’s WTH reaction was fitting.

Funnily enough, we were gossiping earlier in the day about someone whose wife recently passed away and how he remarried just a few months later.  Both of us stated – we probably wouldn’t remarry if that ever happened. As we held hands watching our kids run and laugh in the park, we concurred that we got married for this very moment – to be our own little family.  So, in our own way, non-verbatim, we said “I’m so glad I married you.”

Day 12
Pray for widsom in being a wife.

Since becoming a mom, the role has defined me.  It’s hard sometimes to distinguish the job of wife vs mom.  I take a conscious effort make sure him and me are alright, because I believe we are the foundation of our family. If we’re not right as husband and wife, then we can’t be good as dad and mom. That’s the reason I chose the 30 Day Marriage Challenge after-all.

A wife to me is…  a partner, not a servant. A supporter, not a yes-man. A motivator, not a deterrent.  Basically, all the things I expect of him as a husband, I need to deliver as a wife. I pray to remember this in those moments, like when I was acting like a bitter wife on Days 7, 8 and 9.

 

Want to read all 30 Days of the Marriage Challenge?  View the Overview page HERE

KINDNESS: Day 1-3/30 – Oops

Oops

I didn’t complete any of the Days’ challenges. But I tried…

Day 1
“Put extra change in a meter that’s about to run out.”

Maybe it’s because I live in a major city, but “putting change into a meter” doesn’t exist here anymore. I wish it were that easy, because I’d cover a whole block.  Alas, I had to let today’s task pass because it wasn’t a possibility.  Surely, I could’ve found a way around it, like buying a parking ticket for a stranger as I saw them pulling into a spot.  Or pass my ticket on if I had time remaining – which I’ve done many times before.

However, today gave me other opportunities to be “kind”.  While on the subway, a blind homeless lady asking for change was approaching us. My husband saw me watching her and then asked if I had any quarters.  Instead, I pulled out a bill.  With that he proceeded to pull out his wallet and gave his own money instead.  Not hearing a clink in her cup, she smiled and gave such a grateful ‘thank you’. (PS. He doesn’t know I’m doing this challenge.  This goes to show – kindness is contagious.)

Day 2
“Pay for the order for the person behind you in line.”

I would’ve done this, but I knew the guy behind me on line and and could foresee the side-eye looks I would get from his wife at our kids’ pick-up in the future. Instead, I bought a gift card and planned to leave it with a note on a stranger’s car.  However, I didn’t see it happening today because 100% rain was in the forecast. So, in an attempt to fulfill today’s task I offered to cover my coworkers lunch. She declined, as usual.  So, while today’s kindness act didn’t happen, the intention was there.  Twice. That counts, right?

Day 3
“Sit with someone who is eating alone.”

Simply said, this is impossible task for today.  Breakfast I ate at home. Today’s lunch was a holiday party with the company I used to work with. And dinner was our weekly family dinner at the in-laws.  Honestly though, I probably wouldn’t have done this anyway unless an obvious comfortable opportunity presented itself – like someone looked lonely and seemed to want company.

In other ways I showed “kindness”, which I’m a bit confused about because I also perceive them to be acts of common courtesy.  Examples – holding the door for someone, letting someone merge in front of you on the road, saying thank you for a menial task, smiling when making eye contact with a stranger – all things I did today, but also do every day.  The only thing out of the norm that happened was that I put the gift card on the car parked behind me with this note:

Have your next coffee on me!
Day 2 of 30 Days of Kindness
Happy Holidays.
Enjoy!

30 Day Challenge Accepted Kindness

Following the PopSugar 30 Days Kindness Challenge exactly has been tougher than I thought. Notice, I didn’t complete any of the tasks! However, I was more aware of opportunities and slowed down to think, ‘how can I make this person’s day a little better?’  There’s a moment in the book 29 Gifts where Cami Walker says that she purposely doesn’t follow a guideline or checklist because wants her gifts to be organic:

When you give from a place of service, honesty and fullness, you are left feeling revitalized.
When you give from a place of responsibility and obligation, you negate the gift and nothing changes.

This is why even though I didn’t do exactly what this challenge is asking of me, I consider my tasks completed because my heart is in the right place.

Want to read all 30 Days of the Kindness Challenge?  View the Overview page HERE